if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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