sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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