a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize