Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
