so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
