How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
