this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
