dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
