Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
