i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
