The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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