Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize