24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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