hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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