I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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