You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
