Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
