I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
