It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
apparently the secret to your success is patron
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
