I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
