some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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