You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I would fuck him just for his dog
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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