Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
