that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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