Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
