He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize