I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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