so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
