How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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