yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
