I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
