My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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