I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
