when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
