I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We are all done wearing pants today
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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