PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
