my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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