Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
