I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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