watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
