imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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