my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
