He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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