Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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