Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
