I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize