trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
