i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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