I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
