I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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