ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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