at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
