the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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