I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
