In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
