There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
