so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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