ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
