nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
