Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize