When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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