question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
