i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I will be naked everywhere
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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