I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Randomize
