u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
