Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
sex in a hospital.. check
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
