HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
