Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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