nut hugger
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize