Who wears a wallet chain?!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
you never un-have a 4some
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
