I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
