You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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