We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize