I love black thongs
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
