Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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