I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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