9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
