You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
