that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
