dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
