I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
