the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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