I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
