You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize